‘Good Enough’
Danielle Holland Danielle Holland

‘Good Enough’

The tandem bike wobbled before we even left the rental shop’s parking lot. My son's panic hit first, then mine. Within minutes, we were both crying, returning the bike and walking to the beach instead.

I'd imagined our adventure differently. His classmates rode bikes together after school while we lingered on the sidelines. I caught other parents' glances and remembered my own father running beside me, holding my bike seat until I learned to fly. This island trip was supposed to be our turning point. 

But sitting in the sand afterward, when my son told me he wasn't ready—that he had to do this on his own time—something shifted. The pressure I'd been carrying around had nothing to do with him at all.

What I didn’t know then is that our failed bike ride and our talk on the beach were actually something close to what psychologists call "good enough parenting."

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Quiet Cracking
Danielle Holland Danielle Holland

Quiet Cracking

A rock hits your windshield. Ignore the tiny chip and it slowly spreads into a long, splintering crack. Wait too long, and you're not repairing the glass anymore; you're replacing the whole thing. Leadership expert Tim Elmore uses this metaphor to describe "quiet cracking"—employees silently struggling through their jobs, exhausted and disengaged but staying put because of hiring freezes, layoffs and economic uncertainty. They're surviving, not thriving, and burnout is close behind.

Most conversations around quiet cracking focus on productivity and performance at work. But for some parents, the real “quiet cracking” doesn’t show up in a staff meeting — it shows up when you’re juggling homework, childcare, lunches, laundry, and the emotional load of keeping everyone afloat.

As a parent, you might recognize the feeling. You hold it together all day, powering through pickup, dinner, baths, and bedtime. Then, once the kids are in bed and its finally quiet, you find yourself thinking, Is this what this decade of parenting is going to feel like for me? To everyone else, you look like you've got it handled, but you're masking distress, feeling depleted, and breaking down privately—in the car, in the bathroom, once everyone else is asleep.

Mental health counselor Sarah Stuteville, LMHC, a therapist and parent of young kids, couldn't help but laugh when she started watching the videos related to quiet cracking. "The three things I wrote down were: critical disconnect from meaning, pervasive despair, and the inevitable outcome of late-stage capitalism," she says. "It's a spiritual problem, not an economic problem."

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The Emotional Toll of Co-Parenting
Danielle Holland Danielle Holland

The Emotional Toll of Co-Parenting

I boarded the ferry with my son in my arms, crossing over the Puget Sound to where his father waited on the other side. After handing over our little one, I waited on the dock for the return ferry to begin loading. Back on the ferry, watching the shoreline grow smaller and smaller, I felt as though my heart and limbs were missing. My introduction to co-parenting was less conventional and rather cinematic.

In the beginning years of co-parenting, we all feel the loneliness and pain of not having our child with us every day. While the years have passed, and my son’s father and I have grown and evolved along the journey, I know firsthand just how heavy an emotional toll co-parenting can take on all.

Parents new to this world, are sharing powerful videos on TikTok conveying these challenges. One of the most immediate experiences a new co-parent has is coming home to silence.

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Co-parenting Life
Danielle Holland Danielle Holland

Co-parenting Life

A trending TikTok video posted by Max Areeg shows two parents preparing for their son's birthday. The couple in the video playfully blew up balloons, hung decorations together, and the video ends with one tossing a pillow at the other. If it wasn't spelled out, one would never know that the couple was in the middle of a divorce. Areeg is seen on her soon-to-be ex-husband's shoulders, rubbing balloons onto his hair to generate static electricity to cling the balloons to the ceiling. The laughter and fun times shown are certainly not the common narratives of modern divorce.

I can attest to the necessary ingredients of a successful co-parenting relationship, having co-parented for more than eight years. Co-parenting is always a shared journey, whether it is a 50/50 split, or like mine, more of an 85/15. Separated parents who still have to child-rear together need healthy communication, plenty of patience, and the establishment of clear boundaries.

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